"Yes, losing your heart's desire is tragic. But gaining your heart's desire? That's all you can hope for. This year I wished for love... to immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic, then give me tragedy. Because I wouldn't give it back for the world." ----Peyton Sawyer, "The Tide that left and never came back" (2.22)


"I want all the same things that you want and I want them with you," is the first phrase Peyton Sawyer admitted that speaks her need to be loved and be assured that she doesn't have to worry about the pain anymore. If you trace Peyton's experiences with relationships, you'd be surprised how many times she's been scarred because of them. First there was her mother whom she loved so much and then died without her being able to control it. Her father is rarely home. Then her boyfriend (Nathan Scott) is her excuse to run away and pretend like nothing is wrong. Then Ellie, her biological mother, who died of cancer just when she's beginning to care for her. Not failing to mention the stalker who pretended to be her long-lost brother and controlled her. She's a damaged person who has a lot to learn with managing her pain, who has loved ones she felt will leave her no matter how she fights for them.

Many fans believed that the one person who is able to guarantee her emotional safety is Lucas Scott, the withrdrawn, brooding teenager who opened her heart to many possibilities. They were messy together, both unable to establish stability but as friends, Lucas' enduring concern for Peyton helps her find herself stronger. He's a miracle to her, one who keeps saving her. Are they good to be lovers? Yes, maybe, if Peyton will be able to completely surrender herself without fear and unnecessary caution.

Throughout the four seasons, we saw the immediate attraction in Season 1 that run cold in Season 2 then became a basic foundation of friendship is Season 3 and finally, the ultimate epiphany of romance in Season 4. They're connected as lonely souls and they comfort each other in many strange ways most of us are baffled. Lucas made Peyton human and brave. He made her become the thing she thought she could never be. Her art mattered to him. Her heart belongs to him for a long time since he was the only one who took a chance to take care of it. Peyton never knew how much Lucas meant to her and she's got herself into trouble with Brooke, who is already Lucas' girlfriend. Personally, I'm not a Leyton fan but I appreciate their significance as a couple. They represent the biggest leap of faith an individual has to make if he/she wants to experience the purest kind of love. Peyton risked it even when it was almost too late and she was rewarded when Lucas caught her just in time.

I think Leyton has things to overcome in the future if they want the relationship to remain firm. I like to see Peyton happy because she deserves it but sometimes Lucas is too incredibly dull when it comes to it (only sometimes) but there moments together are regarded sincere and deep. They are soul mates. But love takes work and so far, they're still getting there.

((Stay tuned as we explore the Brooke, Peyton, Lucas love triangle, the deeds, the reasons and why it's nobody fault that bitter things happened among them))

"Well I have my Peyton" "And you're my Brooke!" ----Breyton

I adore Brooke Davis. She reminds me a lot about my best friend too. She's perky and popular and she enjoys the finest things in life. Despite the cool and outgoing personality, she has a sadness that's often so heartbreaking that it's amazing how a pretty girl like her can even hide it. She's also a contrast to Peyton's character. She may not be as emoish and artistically sensitive as Peyton but she can understand the painful circumstances in her best friend's life since she has her share of moments. Besides, they look adorable together. Their chemistry is subtle but undeniable. The conflicting characteristics about what they want in life is actually their common point. Both girls want desperately to be loved by someone worthy and to be good enough to the rest of the world. They share a great kind of intimacy that even though tested by struggles and betrayal, survived in the end. One example as such struggle is Lucas Scott (to be furthered discuss in the next entry.) They may not always believe in the same things and aspire for the same goals, but they can step aside for each other's happiness.

They're just the kind of friendship that astounds everybody. There are moments when we all thought to ourselves that they can never be friends again. They have a lot of fall-outs and misunderstanding but so are other relationships like them and you know what? Breyton might have overwhelmed each other and slandered each other but their unity remains the same. They belong together like no other romantic couple can be. As Brooke fondly says to Peyton "Hoes over bros."

It was actually Brooke who saves Peyton in many occasions (especially with that chilling conclusion with Peyton's stalker.) And Peyton does Brooke a lot of favors too, relinquishing all the beliefs of her best friend as just the "brainless slut." Their motives may be a little dysfunctional but let's face it, without Peyton in Brooke and without Brooke in Peyton, they can't be the persons they are right now. Brooke allowed Peyton to explore the possibility that she deserves love. And Peyton open doors for Brooke to make her realize somebody can love her and she can be happy even by herself.

"At this moment, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, that war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. 6 billion people in the world. 6 billion souls. And sometimes, all you need is one." ----Peyton Sawyer, "Brave New World" (3.01)

One noticeable characteristic on Peyton's character is her love for music, specifically the rock genre.

Peyton is always seen in her bedroom, sketching on a pad in front of her 24-hour webcam while listening to what her boyfriend Nathan labeled as "loser rock." Her taste in music evolved through years of trying to find a soundtrack to fit her melodrama and angst. She listens to guitar-driven tracks with lyrics that speak about redemption. She's not swayed by the fads but considers her music like her art; a sacred choice to where her dreadful ideas about life's obstacles are coming in full-view. Her music symbolizes a lot about her. She has a broad CD collection, most are from her mother when she was still alive. She's fond of collecting different songs and putting them on CDs, labeling them by whatever nostalgic mood she is feeling that day. These are what she calls her "mix tapes."

You can never capture Peyton's personality if you erase "music" to the equation. Everything about Peyton Sawyer is art and music, sight and sound. She finds connection through music and like her art, she tries to use this connection to form alliances from the people she considers worthy of her attention. She's as selective to her music as she is selective of her friends. Peyton, however cold she may seem, is surprisingly passionate when she talks about rock music, as if it is her religion. She would describe every significant event in her life that was inspired by a song or an artist. She loves music and believes that it can change the world and a concert that would be performed for that same reason, can also save lives.

She thinks kids like her deserve to find that music because music, she believes, prepares us for the struggles and makes us hopeful and brave. It may be a little childish to have this kind of point-of-view but her dedication to this belief gives Peyton the power to inspire other young people like her.

This came to reality when she founded the club "Tric" and handled a lot of bands (List of performers) to perform for Tree Hill students and parents. She realized how much she enjoyed orchestrating concerts to a lot of teenagers so she expanded her vision as time went by.


A drawing courtesy by her biological mother Ellie that serves as the cover art for the first album Peyton produced "Friends with benefit," a soundtrack for breast cancer patients.

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. You see lately I've been having impure thoughts about- Actually, I haven't been doing very well lately. This is the first time I've been in a church since my mom died. I think about her everyday. I just- I wonder what she would say to me right now if she could see me and see how I've been living. I wonder if she knows, on most days I fall short of being the person she wanted me to be, or I wonder if she saw me do that line of coke last week. And the thing is, I don't even know why I did it. You know, my life is pretty good... it is, but I was just searching for something to make it great... something to make it matter. So, I don't know, I guess last week when I had the chance to change that, and it was right there in front of me. I guess I was just scared to let that go. But I know it was wrong and I want my mom to know that and um, I want her to know that I am not that person... and I'm not going to be." ----Peyton Sawyer, "I will dare" (2.5")


The biggest influence in Peyton's life is probably her late mother, Anna.

Peyton grew up with only a father to turn to and she continues to survive the greatest loss a growing teenage girl could have. For many years since her mother's demise she has been in a very rough place emotionally so she draws...to save herself. Her art is all about trying to have all the answers which she knew would never heal the scar that her mother's death caused. She's gifted but crippled in many ways. First, she hides her identity through trying to adapt her mother's habits; like being a cheerleader, for example. This need to make herself believe she can have all the pieces back to build what is already gone is what makes Peyton's character a fragile one. She's unable to grow and unable to care about people deeply, believing that she will only have to lose them. One drawing that struck all of us is the popular "People always leave" where she depicted her mother's car accident through a traffic light blinking red lights.

Grasping on hope, Peyton constantly draws, wishing that maybe someday her art could reach out to someone and give them faith; a faith she is desperately clinging onto. Her lifestyle, she knows, is superficial: a popular status as a cheerleader with a basketball star as her boyfriend; late night parties, getting wasted on beer; mornings when she follows a crowd she feels an outsider to. Anger and sadness motivate her art to be provocative and elusive, distinguishing the reality and the make-believe she can take it all back if she tried harder enough.

Surprisingly, her pain makes her stronger than she lets herself to be. She's able to clarify the sorrow and allow it to see things in a deeper perspective. But Peyton remains scared, remains as that terrified little girl who watched her mother die. During her mother's death anniversary, she would try to implicate the car accident, once again trying to make sense of it all. She's a girl who can no longer save herself unless she channels it in dangerous ways. Her art continues to develop, getting darker by each stroke, and her heart still screams for her mother's return, no matter how realistically impossible it is.

"Why are you a cheerleader? I mean, no offense or anything, but you're about the least cheery person I know." ----Lucas Scott, "Pilot" (1.1)

The real reason why I kept watching One Tree Hill is because of my growing fascination for Peyton.

Before discovering this wonderful show, I was a The O.C junkie and I completely adore Marissa Cooper. She strikes me as the pretty girl-next-door who wants nothing more than to be seen differently. And then I met Peyton Sawyer and she's a hell a lot more complicated than sweet Coop. I never knew the plot for OTH but I was drawn to Brooke (Sophia Bush) when I stumbled upon season 2 in TV accidentally almost two years ago. My father was actually the first one to finish seasons 1-3 when he bought the DVD. He would make references about the characters I absolutely have no idea about. To engage my curiosity, I decided to give it a try and I must say I was blown over with the character heroine Peyton.

It began when her character was expounded. She was a cheerleader who's the least cheeriest person in the world, ironically. She's belongs to the popular crowd but felt most of an outsider. She's angry and she's alone and most of the time she uses her selfish boyfriend Nathan as an excuse to be mad with despair. I didn't care much about her relationship with Lucas as his love-interest. They were typical Ryan-Marissa to me, at first. I wasn't yet drawn to Peyton until the episode where she is revealed to be a talented artist with a provocative, sage style in drawing her emotions. In episode "Where I end and you begin," I was captivated instantly with her ritualistic recklessness whenever her mother's death anniversary arrives. She would dash into the night when the red light blinks since this was the reason her mother died; she run a red light and it ended right there. I found it beautiful and morbid. I was convinced that she's gonna be a favorite of mine because she was damaged and I like lead girls like her who are so complex.

She convinced me that even blondes can brood too. She's not an ordinary girl in various ways so I kept watching OTH just to see more of her because I couldn't get enough. And the show's writers never disappoint me when they portray Peyton more and more, making her lucid and even easy to relate to even when she's difficult to deal with.


This drawing is actually the one she drew in Season 4 when she felt like her privacy was defiled 

"We had a snow day. Sixth grade, do you remember? It was like this whole other world just came in overnight and took ours away. Brooke, she came over and we made a snowfort... with a tunnel. And we stayed in there all day. It seemed so safe, like everything was okay. Like everything our world was about to become, maybe we could just stop it and stay little kids for one more day. But then it got cold, kinda like now. They're gonna come now. All of them. The reporters and the psychologists and the analysts. And the so-called experts. And they're gonna try and make sense of this. But they're not gonna be able to. And even if we do make it out of here, we're always gonna carry it with us. Its never gonna be the same. " ----Peyton Sawyer, "With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept" (3.16)


Probably the things that give her character the edge is her self-possession and determination to fight back. Despite the piles of mud thrown at her and even when she's kicked to the ground, her ability to maintain her integrity is what gets her living. She's proud, ambitious and even appears too cold. But she also undergoes a wave of torrent emotions that a weaker person may not handle. Instead of self-pity she channels herself into various productive ways like art and music. She's strong, that's what she is known for. She's not the type who gets rescued unless she badly needs to be saved from herself. To her friends, she's taciturn and philosophical, an old soul trapped in a teenage girl's body. She's hard and she's stubborn. Sometimes she hardly knows how she feels until it's already too late. And although bad things kept happening to her, she rises up to these obstacles, always enduring even in defeat.